I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
I touched a dick in church today
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
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