____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
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