okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
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