I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
Randomize
