His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
This couple is walking their pig around campus
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
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