never play flip cup with pint glasses
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
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