new low.... made out with someone while peeing
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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