Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
