O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
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