Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
