you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
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