i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
