i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
NoShamevember. You game?
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize