I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
