That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
Randomize
