I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
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