If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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