census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
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