look no pants
I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
