Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
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