This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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