I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
