I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
Did you just see the Batmobile???
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
Randomize
