I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
Randomize
