Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
Randomize