Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Randomize
