We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
Randomize
