dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize