You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
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