We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
