i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
These tits shall not be calmed
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
