Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
My Higher Power is John Stamos
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
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