the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
Randomize
