I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
Randomize
