found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
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