Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
Randomize
