shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
the day after is always just damage control
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
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