Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
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