Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
Randomize
