We're facebook friends in real life
You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Randomize
