i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
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