you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Randomize
