When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
