ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
Oh god it's open bar.
Randomize
