Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
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