I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
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