so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
Michael Bay diarrhea
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
