pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
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