I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
mondays should just be called national damage control day
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
And my parents said I crawled through the house
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
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