long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
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