note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
