man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
Randomize
