It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
