the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
