then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize
