Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
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