i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
