I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
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