You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
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