I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
Randomize
