look no pants
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
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