Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
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