i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
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