Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
Randomize
