Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
Randomize
