Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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