Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
Randomize
