I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
Randomize
