She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
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