Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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