fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
