listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
