I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
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