dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
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