Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
im six kinds of drunk right now
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
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